Blush Factor

For some unknown and strange reason, I have an extremely sensitive blush reflex, or as I like to call it: Blush Factor. The barista that I see every couple of days at the coffee shop I frequent just asked me: “What are you doing today? Just studying?” He doesn’t know me that well, I tend to stick with the light conversation stuff if I don’t know somebody (weather, coffee and such) so I decided to tell him that I’m actually there to get some writing done. He, like so many in the customer service industry, doesn’t really pay attention so when he hands me my drink, he says: “Have fun studying!” and I, for whatever reason I’m feeling a bit more talkative, say: “Oh, I’m not studying, I’m writing a book actually.” I think that I’m trying to be more vocal and not so push-over-like (it’s something I’ve been working on for a few years now) and his response is: “Haha, that’s so cliché!” Enter: Blush Factor! Cheeks turn red for no good reason, perhaps it’s because I’m mildly annoyed that he made my café experience a little less fun, or that he reduced me to an inch tall by telling me my choice of activity plus location was basically what everyone else in the world is doing (which, I assure you, isn’t true). He then sees my furiously red cheeks and timid smile and says: “*giggle* I mean that sounds cool, though.” Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. So as I’m walking away, blush becoming even more furious, I say, “Thanks!” and go sit down to write this.

I’m nothing like my roommate when people annoy me or piss me off. Instead of throwing something snarky (on the verge of rude sometimes) back in their face, I internalize it and then write about it (or if I’m at work, I bitch about it over the headset for two minutes and then forget about it). I don’t know what’s better: Throwing back verbal barbs that may or may not be warranted, or walking away semi-embarrassed and annoyed that someone was so rude, and then doing nothing about it. I thought his jibe was a little uncalled for, and it almost made me leave. Almost. Then I Facebooked it. Oh my, what has the world come to? The technological outlets we have access to is almost too much, but now that I am involved with them I couldn’t imagine my life without them. It’s a crazy, vicious circle that I sort of happen to love.

Anyway, about this blushing thing… My mom tells me that she used to blush when she was younger, and that I’ll miss it when I no longer can. I call BULLSHIT, MAMA! If I happened to stop blushing tomorrow, I promise it would never bother me again. It almost holds me back sometimes because I can never keep up with a joke, I just start turning red and then the joke is ruined because they know I’m not telling the truth. If there was no blushing, I would speak my mind a lot more…. so maybe there’s a reason after all…meh, no. Some of my friends call it endearing, but I call it LAME. I blush when I’m embarrassed (which happens the most) I blush when I’m upset/angry/startled/extremely excited (no joke, started blushing at work the other day because I got overly excited about a movie I had just seen and then realized that I was talking too much and blushed even more because I got embarrassed. DOUBLE WHAMMY). When I’m talking in front of a large group of people (large being three or more) I blush… I even blush when I’m embarrassed for someone else. Yes, I blush for you, too, as if my own personal Blush Factor wasn’t enough. Nice. Oh man, the worst is when a customer comes in and I think he’s cute because I can keep the interest off of my features, but the blush gives me away each and every time. Oh, wow. Ridiculous, isn’t it?

I’ve been told that the reason we blush is because our heart speeds up a little and the rush of blood flows directly to the face, and then continues on to the rest of the body. Lucky me, it seems to linger in my face. My heart must work overtime with all the red in my cheeks. I wish there was a way to turn it off, a little button to push that would at least reduce the redness level or intensity. It’s not a mild spot of pink on my cheeks, oh no, it’s a full-on red of my entire face, and if I’m nervous it continues to my neck. So not fair. For all of you out there that wish you could blush, I’m telling you it’s not as good as it sounds. Stick to the powders and crèmes because a natural blush is absolutely not flattering. Something I wonder, though, is why it seems to happen to women more than men… I saw a coworker blush for the first time a few weeks ago, and that was hilarious (he got a taste of his own medicine for making me blush all the time) but he says that he never (very rarely) blushes… is it something in the chemical makeup of the male figure that doesn’t allow the Blush Factor to show? Is it their thick skin (no joke, ladies, we actually do have thinner skin) or is it simply that guys just don’t give a shit and whatever happens happens and blushing simply doesn’t occur to them?? I’m at a loss, I truly don’t know. Perhaps some research would put me at ease...perhaps there is no answer.

 Oh, and I turn red when I even think about being embarrassed.

I’m embarrassed for my embarrassment. Classic me.